Friday, March 10, 2006

The Soundtrack of Your Life.

I have been busy working on new house, buying furniture for new house, purchasing carpet for new house, spending every last f'in penny on new house. New house can bite me.

I decided I was feeling a bit wigged out and I would play some games online and listen to some old music. Some friends had come over a few weeks back and we downloaded songs from the 70's. I was age 3 to 13 years old during the 70s, which means first, that I am old and second, that it influenced me in deep, sad, depressing, wishing I was young again, ways. Even at those tender ages, I remember certain songs that could pull my heart strings and take me to deep, introspective moments even back then.

I was always a thinker, an over-analyzer and I knew very young that certain songs would always remind of me a time past, even when it was a time present. Even at 12, I missed being 12. I spent a lot of time, too much time, really, perfecting feelings of regret and mourning each phase of my life before it had even passed. Nothing holds that feeling as much as songs from the 70's.

I often wondered what new trainee wired my brain. When all my neighborhood friends were gathered around in the lightest of times, giggling, acting silly and listening to the music of our childhood, I was only half there. The other half was already too aware that this life goes by so fast and that everything that brought me joy, at that moment, would come to pass. We would grow up, change, go our separate ways.....I would mentally take a picture of the scene....attach it to a song unknowingly and relive it anytime I heard that song.

How many times do you turn on the radio and an old song is playing and it takes you back to a specific time? It translates for me into a feeling. Sure, I remember things about that time, but I mostly feel like I am taken back to the actual feelings I had then.

The 80's were a bit different in the memory department. I had many rites of passages in the 80's and songs to bring back each and every one. I had my first kiss, first heartbreak, first sexual experiences, first buzz, first time away from home at college, first marriage(lol), first baby and I even managed to squeeze in (or rather squeeze out) baby number two as well. "Pappa Don't Preach" was out the summer I found that after one year of college I was going to have a baby. It was like my anthem. "Holding Back The Years" was also on every ten minutes at that time too. I remember hearing it and feeling this sadness for a life forever changed, mine. At 19, I was leaving the carefree, wild days of my youth for late night feedings, diapers, and a life a million miles away from my friend's lives.

Even today I hear a song that hits me in that different, special way that makes you realize it will always remind you of right then. It will always bring back an emotion that defined that time. Hearing it years later will change your mood. On a bad day, a song with a great memory attached can change your mood immediately, leaving you swaying and singing in the isles of the grocery store and a song with a not so great memory of a time can lead you to tears driving home from running errands.


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