The End of the New Job

After my allegies went ape shit and BD cut my knuckle, while attempting to take my lunch, I decided that my "stay with it" thing was, like, not going to continue anymore. I left.

I was mixed with relief and regret at the same time. I liked having somewhere to go to actually work and yet I hated WERE I had to go. Part of me wanted to stick it out and yet, I knew there was no long term potential in a job that, by week two, was making me want to vomit from filth and little dog hairs caught in the back of my throat. I no longer had to be in the office to experience the office. My last two days there, when I went to bed at home those nights, I woke up surrounded by the smell and running to the nearest toilet to gag. It was bad.

So many other things are going on at the same time, most I cannot write about here, and they have me in a miserable state of distraction. I see that as both good and bad.

I am quickly approaching the big 4-0. It has left me thinking about my life and just like a closet you avoid cleaning for way too long, this IS my life, as I see it now. A closet of crap that has things from the past, years and years of garbage and unwanted items, that I am finally ready to sort thru, keeping the important things and throwing out the useless clutter. Sometimes determining which is which is the hardest part. I feel that too.

I will have the last phase of my cosmetic denistry junk completed on the 26th of this month, if I do not chicken out, which I am pretty certain I will not, but then it is me and anything is possible. I keep telling myself how having it over with will be worth the hell. I almost believe that now, so I have faith. (Crossing my fingers.)

Something else really weird is going on with me too, maybe too deep to get into, but that never stopped me before.....AnyHO, I am probably in the worst shape of my life in just about every way. Financially-Train wreck. Physically-Exhausted and major lack of any real muscle tone. Among the zillion other issues that are going on, that stuff I would rather not mention, I actually do not feel down or completely overwhelmed. This means one of two things, I have either lost my mind and have crawled into some deep denial or I have hope and determination that I will see this all through and come out on the other side in a better place.

I don't want to jinx it, but I think it might be the second one!

No, really!!

It may be a temporary thing, as I have already admitted I am mostly just a mood swing, but I keep thinking about how cool it would be if it were the real thing. Just for today, I want to believe that and then take it day by day from there.

Tonight I have darts and tomorrow I meet with a realtor to try and rid myself of the house of horrors. Cassie wants to go back one more time for a ghost hunters experience, since most that have been there feel "something weird" about the place. I think it might be fun, so I agreed, with the condition that the temperature is above 40 degrees. Ghost hunting in cold temperatures might affect that cold breeze thingy and all.

........boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy.,...boom, boom...........