Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Countdown to 40!!

How did this ever happen, cause I seriously never thought I would actually turn 40. As I say or think 40, I get a bad taste in my mouth. It is not that 40 is THAT is just a decade from 50, and 50.....ya-ouch!!

It wasn't that I thought I would die before then or anything like that...I was just stupid and thought it was so far off. I feel closer to the time when I sat in Oglebay, by the falls, with my friends, with a quart of beer, talking about how we would be 33 in the year 2000 and it felt like that was so,sooooooooooooooooo out of reach and then it creeps up on you and continues to creep even further, and you wonder how you ever got here.

My turning 40 issues are even starting to get on my nerves because I did not see this spazz out coming a year ago. It started in the fall, this obsession with it, and grew and grew into some big, depressing and scary thing.

I have three days and it will officially happen at about 730pm on Saturday. It feels like doom's day and I really need to get a grip and stop this shit, but I can't. I want a new hairdo, a new job (errrrr..just a job at all) , a new car, and just a whole new life. I think they call that a midlife crisis and I am riding that wave with a capital M and a capital C-R-I-S-I-S!!

When you reach the end of a decade you hang onto that number. You fool yourself into believing that 29 is so much younger than 30 and 39 is much better than ever saying 40. In my late 30s I used to forget my age and would have to do the math. I was like 37 for at least two years until my birthday was approaching and I did the math, but there is no mistake with 40, cause, like, it is ((40!!)) and the numbers are all different and junk. I will have to wait til like 48 to think I am still 47.......omg...the cruelty of it all.

Okay, I'll shut up. See, I am totally intolerable right now. I would pay a million bucks to just get a vacation from myself!!

<> I CAN do this. I just wish Cassie would stop pointing and laughing at me, repeating every 5 minutes that I am so old now. It is like some teenage revenge or something. "I am not allowed to do that...fine, btw, you are OLD and you can never be YOUNG again....HAHAHA!!!!"

My birthday wish...that I live to see HER turn 40!!!


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