Return of The SIL from Hell. Wide Screen.

It was all planned out, a night of relaxing fun with some friends.......

It was all f'ed by SIL from HELL!!!

I am completely convinced she circles my house, looking for cars, guests, parties of some sort that she has, purposely, NOT been invited. It seems too much a coincidence that moments after guests arrive, she calls. She not only calls to say hello, she calls with a specific question, asking as though she knows the answer, willing me to tell the truth..."So, is ANYONE at YOUR house tonight????" Gulp.........................

"well....yeah.".

A moment later I am breaking the news to my guests, knowing I will be met with sighs of a night ruined, a good time monoplized by nasty talk, ignorance, conflict and "please feel sorry for me and while you're at it feed me too".

She sings loud, not to mention horridly. She spills beers, has broken glass objects, smokes constantly, burns carpets with her cigarettes, talks about sex in a way that could make a pervert blush, she cusses like a sailor, is inappropiate, she belches and farts, talks about her belches and farts, and is the loudest and most obnoxious human ever created.

And she showed up............

Instead of a night that usually goes on to the wee hours of the night, it made 11pm seem late, people were worn out from her, people were ready to leave, people were fed up and realized the night could not be saved...the bitch wasn't goin' anywhere.

By a little after 12 midnight, the rec room was clear, except for her. I was making up a bed for Cassie and Kayla, hoping she would get the hint that we are all going to bed now. Kelly, "my bestest, good friend bubba", had left the rec room for the peace and quiet of the living room and then headed to bed in Brooke's room. Bob even tried to get her out after she announced "you have NO idea what is like to be alone", by telling her to go home anyway.

I get into bed, Bob and I start talking about her as I expressed my concern of her being alone with two young girls downstairs. Suddenly, I hear someone in the bathroom, someone getting very sick. It seems to go on for a very long time, so long, in fact, that we decide it must be SIL from hell throwing up her two cases of beer and any food in eyeshot at our house that she scarfed down like a pig. It stops. Ten minutes later ,it stats again. A part of me is relieved that she is not with the girls, another part is becoming freaked out by her insanity and I start feeling as though I must get her out of the house. We decided that she is not dying here and after the second round of vomitting stops, we must find a way to get her the hell out.

Bob walks out into hallway to find the mystery vomitter...who is not SIL from hell...but "my bestest, good friend, bubba". Kelly!!, who caught the flu bug. Now I feel terrible. I would have tried to offer assistance, held her hair out of her face to vomit, got her a warm rag for her forehead...you know, all that stuff you do for vomitting friends, but not vomitting SIL's from hell.

I, then realize, SIL from hell is on the loose, saying and doing God knows what. I learn what she has been doing, or more like, saying, to my 13 year old daughter. She was offering her a place to bring boys, her apartment, telling her about sex, not like the birds and the bees kind of talk you have with your daughter, but the nasty, filthy kind from a porn site. She offered her a place to "do it", she offered to buy her beer for the place, smokes, anything she wanted. She told her she would get her birth control and she would have a place to do as many different boys as she wished,and that we, "her parents", would not understand and that she was perfectly in her right to do these things. WTF?????? My THIRTEEN year old daughter!!??!! Can you say not only crossed the line, but jumped a million miles OVER that son of a bitch!!!

My anger was all-consuming, I was up most of the night trying to find ways to justify NOT killing her. Listing all the reasons that serving prison time was not worth it, that SHE was not worth it. She was forced to leave, she had no confusion about that, but how long would this last? How long til she calls back and acts like nothing happened,. cause, like, she "doesn't remember any of that"??? How long til I have to tell her that she is NEVER welcome in THIS house again, her house, that we have on a land contract, EVER again?? How long until she gets this news and tries to ruin my life, burn my house down in a drunken rage, get her house back or hurt me and my family?

She already spent all of last week crying in bars, drunk and pathetic, asking people how she can get her home back, the home we put thousands of dollars into to make livable after she nearly destoyed it, the home she couldn't afford to keep, the home she begged us to take over, and the home that is "MINE now, you f'in psycho!!"

So, anyway, that was my weekend. By next weekend, I predict I will be in the slammer or heavily medicated, preferably the latter.