A Moment of Silence Please
I had a serious computer crash and have been mourning the loss of all my crap on that old computer, that prolly crashed cause it was so full of my crap. All my programs, pictures, videos...no access as my old trusty sits disconnected from power. May it rest in peace.....
I am using my Dad's old work computer with Windows 98 and I forgot how much I missed that "illegal operation" message..NOT. It is slow and a sad substitute for ol' Delly, but we will get through this....we have to.
The past week has been a rough one, not only because of the crash, but because other areas of my life seem to be crashing with even more devastating results. Teenage girls.....hard, exhausting, hurtful, destructive, heart breaking, and did I mention exhausting?
Sometimes in life, especially with children, the results of the things you have done or not done only become apparent after it is too late to fix them. Sometimes you wonder if doing something different would have changed it all anyway. You raise the first ones and get them out there and feel pretty good about what they have accomplished and who they are and you think you are pretty special and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. If it all did not fall into place, you might be picking apart their past and wondering what you did to screw them up.
I used to take comfort in the fact that I was always doing the best I could at any given time with whatever situation I found myself in and I thought with that alone, it would all work out for the best. Now, I am left with wondering what to do when your best is just not enough.
I watch Cassie make mistake after mistake and I want to jump into her head and have her see the reality of the world and yet we live in worlds 26 years apart and I can't go back and she can't come forward. We both ache to be heard but can't because we don't speak the language and sit dumbfounded at the words of one another.
We did go to wing night, the whole fam damily. Ryan, Travis and I played pool and darts. I lost at everything and still managed to have the greatest time. It almost made up for the 30 minute fight before we left that ended in us almost dragging Cassie to the car, cause she was "so not going". That was easier than packing the keyboards and phones into the trunk. We knew her angle there and being grounded from both, she saw opportunity.
When we got home we watched American Idol, all together, as the dog ran in circles and cracked us all up and Brooke tried to learn to ride a bike in the rec room. Between the dog springing from one couch to the other and Brooke crashing into the same ones, it was funny and entertaining and just what I needed as a small vacation from everything that is wrong right now.
Ryan and I made french toast at 1230am and it seemed like the perfect end to an imperfect day.......until Cassie, who went to bed 2 hours before, ran up into the kitchen at 1am, when all the food was gone, screaming..."I want some PANCAKES too!!!"
I told her to get to bed and was not lying a bit when I said, "We don't have any more pancakes".....cause we never did.
I am using my Dad's old work computer with Windows 98 and I forgot how much I missed that "illegal operation" message..NOT. It is slow and a sad substitute for ol' Delly, but we will get through this....we have to.
The past week has been a rough one, not only because of the crash, but because other areas of my life seem to be crashing with even more devastating results. Teenage girls.....hard, exhausting, hurtful, destructive, heart breaking, and did I mention exhausting?
Sometimes in life, especially with children, the results of the things you have done or not done only become apparent after it is too late to fix them. Sometimes you wonder if doing something different would have changed it all anyway. You raise the first ones and get them out there and feel pretty good about what they have accomplished and who they are and you think you are pretty special and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. If it all did not fall into place, you might be picking apart their past and wondering what you did to screw them up.
I used to take comfort in the fact that I was always doing the best I could at any given time with whatever situation I found myself in and I thought with that alone, it would all work out for the best. Now, I am left with wondering what to do when your best is just not enough.
I watch Cassie make mistake after mistake and I want to jump into her head and have her see the reality of the world and yet we live in worlds 26 years apart and I can't go back and she can't come forward. We both ache to be heard but can't because we don't speak the language and sit dumbfounded at the words of one another.
We did go to wing night, the whole fam damily. Ryan, Travis and I played pool and darts. I lost at everything and still managed to have the greatest time. It almost made up for the 30 minute fight before we left that ended in us almost dragging Cassie to the car, cause she was "so not going". That was easier than packing the keyboards and phones into the trunk. We knew her angle there and being grounded from both, she saw opportunity.
When we got home we watched American Idol, all together, as the dog ran in circles and cracked us all up and Brooke tried to learn to ride a bike in the rec room. Between the dog springing from one couch to the other and Brooke crashing into the same ones, it was funny and entertaining and just what I needed as a small vacation from everything that is wrong right now.
Ryan and I made french toast at 1230am and it seemed like the perfect end to an imperfect day.......until Cassie, who went to bed 2 hours before, ran up into the kitchen at 1am, when all the food was gone, screaming..."I want some PANCAKES too!!!"
I told her to get to bed and was not lying a bit when I said, "We don't have any more pancakes".....cause we never did.
posted by Sunny at Wednesday, March 21, 2007
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