Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Truth about Kids

Now I love my kids more than anything in this world, but I am also an honest person that has to vent.

Some see babies as pooping machines that demand to be fed every three hours. None of that ever bothered me. I triple love babies and the only real complaint there would be the 48 hours of straight crying during teething periods, a small annoyance for the joy of a soft cheek pressed against yours, a toothless grin and something cuddly to carry most everywhere you go.

Then they become toddlers and they say the most adorable things. They get a bit messier and demanding, but still the cuteness factor is through the roof. They are more entertaining than anything and you beam with pride at every milestone.

Then they become pre-schoolers. I am convinced they made up this name to give hope to every mother that, you can do this, they will be in school soon!! They want your undivided attention, start bossing, manipulating their worlds to suit them and not you, and begin to get some joy out of seeing you about to lose it, which is more and more often.

This stage includes the beginning of major guilt, because, at times, you would pay someone just to get them the hell away from you for five freakin' minutes. Five minutes of no yelling your name, no showing you that 50Th picture of the day that you have to applaud AGAIN, no get me this, let me do it MYSELF, I had that first, sponge bob on very TV, I don't want to go to bed, I am scared, I am hungry, come wipe my butt, I want a bath, I want, I want, I want...WHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

School, a full-time job, a nanny and running away with no forwarding address become your daytime fantasies. At times you can actually feel parts of your brain mushing away from lack of adult contact. By the time everyone arrives home from school and work, you are exhausted, bitchy, short-fused and even sick of yourself, thus leaving you no peaceful way to recollect.

Then the glorious, and bittersweet, day comes when you drop them off to their first full day of school. You cry as you leave them there, get home and cry some more and you think how much you miss them. Then they come home and for the first hour, you hug them and talk about their day and then by hour two, three and four, as they start all the wants again, you are wishing for night school.

The phases continue, from potty mouth to smart mouth, from" give me a kiss, mommy" to "Please do not act like you know me, nor touch me when we get there", and from "You are so smart!" to "You know nothing". And that "wanting" thing, it just gets worse and more expensive.

Kids are the most exhausting, heartbreaking, wonderful, blessed thing in the whole world. With the overwhelming love you feel for your children, comes the equally overwhelming urge to want to choke them at times.

So, I am looking for a job and should, very soon, have one and "good Mommy" feels sad that I will have to be away from Brooke. What if she falls and cries for me or is emotionally scarred from me leaving her 8 hours a day after being here since she was born, every second of every single day for over four years.

"Real Mommy" says "Can I start today?????!!???"


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