Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Graduate

Tonight Travis graduates. Tonight I will be packed into a gym/stage to watch him walk across, in his very bright purple cap and gown. It makes me sad, how significant this walk can be because it is like walking out of a carefree life that you do not even realize is carefree, until you pass through it.

There should be some better transitional stage between being young and being grown up. You are expected to start planning your future, which you thought you were planning all along, to find yourself unprepared. College is somewhat that transition, but when you are free from the constraints of all day school, your lifestyle becomes pretty expensive. Grades matter even more and picking just one area of study holds all new constraints.

I wish I could be more excited, and maybe if I had a great level of success, I might be more excited right now. I play happy and isn't it great, but I often fear they may see right through that, as I put my experience onto them...a totally different individual. While knowing that is wrong, I do dream of better things for my kids, but I can't escape the fear of the hard times and wanting so much for them never to become as familiar as I have with them.

Just for tonight, I think I will put away the fears and feel the happy. The future never disappoints in reasons to worry, so I have plenty of time for that. I will make him his favorite dessert, carrot cake with cream cheese icing, (Yeah, he is different) and I will only see the hope and promise. I need a little sugar with my hope, it makes it so much easier to swallow.

I will celebrate new beginnings, for Travis, and for me. Maybe I will even get to the bottom of why good needs help to swallow and bad goes down so easy.

To my Prince Harry, I wish you all the hope, love and good times in the world with just enough hard times to make you appreciate the really great times that we fail to recognize when it all comes to easy.


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