Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Make New Freinds, but Keep the Old...

I heard from one of the "golds" yesterday. I answer the phone mid-afternoon and am immediately pulled back many years to a funny memory that we shared. This caused a chain reaction of many memories flooding back throughout the day that just make me smile.

My best friend from high school moved to Georgia, as did my best friend from college. (Actually my second round of college when the boys were just toddlers.) It was the college friend I spoke with and it just does something to reconnect not only the two of you, but you again, to yourself. Who you were before growing up makes you more careful and teaches you to swallow so much. In your teens and twenties, everything is so much more dramatic. You live faster, love stronger, anger quicker and see every emotion through to the final thread.

I was reminded of so many awesome times. Later, I was thinking about a trip we took to a lab conference. We had a four hour drive where she drove and I drank. Drank so much, in fact, that I flashed truck drivers and ended up being sick the enitre weekend. It was like a three day hangover in high attitude, no less, that was making me queasy anyway.

I thought about all of my fellow classmates in the lab program and funny things that happened with them all, how close we all became and how, at a difficult transition time in my life, they all became my family. I always laugh when I think about a bake sale we had to raise money for that trip, in which a girl in the program asked me to taste a rice krispie treat. She asked, with a sour look on her face, if they tasted funny. I took a bite and with much drama, said they were horrid and spit out what was in my mouth. "Who made those nasty things??", I asked. She looked down, bowing her head and I heard a barely audible, "me.". OOPS!!!! Open mouth, insert foot. ( I don't know where you are now, Kim, but really, I'm so sorry!!!)

We used to go to a little bar for lunch that had the best hamburgers ever and on one occasion drank too. We went back for afternoon classes, smelling of smoke and booze, giggling through the whole lecture. Everything was just funnier back then. Boy, do I miss that. But,more than anything, I miss myself, how life was this thing that was still about to happen and not something I am looking back on now, as though what is to come pales in comparison.

Maybe I had too much fun. Is that possible?? Did I win the gold medal before I even made the team? So that everything had to go downhill from there with such a major contrast. Who knows? I think it is more about life changing than anything. Your hopes and dreams become hopes and dream for your children, as you take a back seat realizing that their happines means more to you than your own now.

Once a baby emerges from your womb, you do take a back seat. It doesn't make it any less wonderful though. You just become the biggest fan in the crowd instead of the main event. But every so often, in moments you share with just yourself, you miss the spotlight.


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