Monday, April 17, 2006

Does Anyone Ever Really Fit Perfectly?

My friend sent me a link to a blog.( The entry that I refer to is D-I-V-O-R-C-E. I put it in the link field, but never did that before, so hopefully it works...whatever.

ANYHO, I read it and I may be getting a bit too no nonsense about things because comparing relationships to shoes, though it makes a good point and all, is hittting home, but then, so NOT hitting home at the same time. You can find a pair of shoes that fit perfectly, but in the real world, this reality, can you find a man that does? Should you even expect to??

I have had many relationships in the past, maybe not as many as other people, but I have been married twice and had a few serious boyfriends prior to that. By not thinking that anyone "fit perfectly", does that mean I have not found the right one yet? Or does that mean "it ain't happenin' sistah" because it simply can not?

I know there are, seemingly, very happy couples out there. I have heard about these people, have even experienced them in public, around others, being, you know.......happy. They are as rare as a 300 million dollar power ball hit, but there are some out there...I think. But what makes them happy? Is it that they are perfectly matched, no flaws that make the other want to grind nails with their teeth? Or. Could it be. They accept the other human, as human? They love them enough and there is enough good, to make the bad parts lovable anyway? Like an old ragged, imperfect teddy bear that is still great for snuggling.

The older I get , the more I relaize and see that life is 99.9% perception. It would be quite easy to live life finding all the crap, focusing on it, making it giant and impossible to overcome. Hell, I have done that for years. When it comes to life, it takes very little work to make it as hard as possible. Then it just takes a mindset to keep it that way.....forever.

If my day has thirty minutes of "bad', that is the part I will recite to my friends. That is what I will bitch about and that is what I will make the legacy of that day, etched in time, forever. I can even add a humorous spin to it, but the point I will be dragging home is the "bad", oh, how very bad that part sucked.

Then bad starts growing and you start lining it up through the days and weeks and months of your life, highlighting it with your yellow marker, making it stand out. Making it seem like that is all there is anymore.

Don't we do the same thing with the relationships in our life? If we hit on why it now "just doesn't fit", is it truly because we bought the wrong size or did we manipulate it to leave blisters?

I have never, in my entire life, met anyone, friend, family member, offspring, neighbor, butcher, baker, candlestick maker, that doesn't have some aspect to their personality that gets under my skin at different times. I keep the least offending ones around maybe, but the truth is, everyone has something that rubs everyone else the wrong way on occasion. It is just a fact of life. So, why do we expect the "relationship person" in our life to be any different?

There are major deal breakers out there that someone can pull on you making a divorce not only a possibility, but a must. I am not arguing that point at all. But is chewing too loud one of them? Is not changing to meet your exact specifications one? Seems so. But then, you move on to your next "falsely perfect" person and when you come out of the exciting, new love, phooney crap, they chew too loud too.

I wonder how many times a spouse is blamed for someone else's unhappiness. When you are unhappy, it is always easier to blame someone else, how everything they do makes you wanna scream, how your life would be fine if it were not for........... them. If we took more responsibility for our own happiness, looked at life with more realistic minds , truly accpeted others and changed our shitty ass perceptions on everything, would there be less divorce? Or would that be just too hard? Too much work, and, damn, I'm just too tired and miserable already to even attempt it.

I don't know what the answer is, but if you want a man to fit like your favorite, broken-in jeans or your most comfortable pair of shoes, you are setting yourself up for massive disappointment. Maybe when you're back out on the market, because everything in your closet doesn't fit anymore, you should skip the purchase and work on yourself.

Just a thought......


Blogger outofmymind said...

ok---did you read the archives i was really into her weight issues and her issues with her mom too. i agree with all of your insights and if i wasn't such a miserable bitch---i would work at that "happiness" crap. by the way, on your random post before--what was the oprah show about---inquiring minds need to know.

11:21 PM  
Blogger outofmymind said...

by the way---isn't my blog fascinating?????????

11:22 PM  
Blogger Sunny said...

It was about "Who am I" and it just started making think , maybe too much, but I am so damn good at that.

I stayed up all night reading your blog. I thought the series of green dots where fasinating and I can't wait to begin digging into the other ones.

10:08 AM  

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