Like Mother, Like Daughter.
How much does it totally suck when you see your kids having the exact same qualities that you have, the bad ones, the "these will make your life so freakin' miserable "ones???
My daughter is like a little carbon copy of me when I was her age. Well, not exactly, but damn close. I was not as bold as she is in the talking back department and I feared for my life more when it concerned going a bit too far with my parents. But the thought processes, oh, the thought processes are so similiar, you might as well call then IDENTICAL!
She has a strong need for "fair" and yet can only see her side of fair. She will fight for 3 hours about different races and that no one is any different than anyone else, just like I did. She goes to bed and worries about everyone dying and dreams up horrid situations that "could" happen, just like I did. She is creative, which only makes her ability to dream up the most drastic and hideous "coulds" in the world even more disturbing. She sees the past in negative aspects and she blames everyone else for everything that is wrong with HER.... "If you had only taken me to the mall that one day in 2002, when you said you would, but then woke up with a 102.5 temperture, vomitting, I might not feel so unloved and maybe I would not have done that thing you asked me not to do today". Huh? (Just like I would have said) But also, I lived that crazy shit at that age too and I stopped living that crazy shit about three years ago. I get her, but I can't change it. She knows more than me, just like I knew more than anyone else that tried to straighten out my f'ed up head.
I thought "acting" like none of those things were true about me in the past, brushing off her feelings with positive comments and great advice on how to change your outlook would be so helpful, cause I , like , did that already, so why the hell can't you just listen cause I know where this will lead you and it totally sucks. It isn't working, just like it didn't work when my mother tried the same thing on me cause "she just didn't understand and I know everything". Can you say "pay back is a bitch"???
I thought long and hard about what to do with her and Bob and I had a long talk about being more positive with her, making her feel more special and important, and just helping her to plan out enjoyable activities, other than sitting around imagining how each person may die and how everyone has done her wrong and "made her this way".
We finished several projects we had told her we would, but never got around to yet, in her room. We made a decision that no matter how loud she yells and carries on, we will try to remain calm and deal with her in a way that may serve as an example on how to actually cope and handle your negative emotions......... Right after that, we are going to Wonderland for some tea and cake.
I guess we all have to suffer to learn our lessons in life. It is just so hard when you know a shortcut that someone refuses to take. Just like we all refused to take before them.
If I could cut her down from the 35 years it took me to get it, I guess that would be some progress, but for now, I do not see it happening anytime soon. Sigh..................
My daughter is like a little carbon copy of me when I was her age. Well, not exactly, but damn close. I was not as bold as she is in the talking back department and I feared for my life more when it concerned going a bit too far with my parents. But the thought processes, oh, the thought processes are so similiar, you might as well call then IDENTICAL!
She has a strong need for "fair" and yet can only see her side of fair. She will fight for 3 hours about different races and that no one is any different than anyone else, just like I did. She goes to bed and worries about everyone dying and dreams up horrid situations that "could" happen, just like I did. She is creative, which only makes her ability to dream up the most drastic and hideous "coulds" in the world even more disturbing. She sees the past in negative aspects and she blames everyone else for everything that is wrong with HER.... "If you had only taken me to the mall that one day in 2002, when you said you would, but then woke up with a 102.5 temperture, vomitting, I might not feel so unloved and maybe I would not have done that thing you asked me not to do today". Huh? (Just like I would have said) But also, I lived that crazy shit at that age too and I stopped living that crazy shit about three years ago. I get her, but I can't change it. She knows more than me, just like I knew more than anyone else that tried to straighten out my f'ed up head.
I thought "acting" like none of those things were true about me in the past, brushing off her feelings with positive comments and great advice on how to change your outlook would be so helpful, cause I , like , did that already, so why the hell can't you just listen cause I know where this will lead you and it totally sucks. It isn't working, just like it didn't work when my mother tried the same thing on me cause "she just didn't understand and I know everything". Can you say "pay back is a bitch"???
I thought long and hard about what to do with her and Bob and I had a long talk about being more positive with her, making her feel more special and important, and just helping her to plan out enjoyable activities, other than sitting around imagining how each person may die and how everyone has done her wrong and "made her this way".
We finished several projects we had told her we would, but never got around to yet, in her room. We made a decision that no matter how loud she yells and carries on, we will try to remain calm and deal with her in a way that may serve as an example on how to actually cope and handle your negative emotions......... Right after that, we are going to Wonderland for some tea and cake.
I guess we all have to suffer to learn our lessons in life. It is just so hard when you know a shortcut that someone refuses to take. Just like we all refused to take before them.
If I could cut her down from the 35 years it took me to get it, I guess that would be some progress, but for now, I do not see it happening anytime soon. Sigh..................
posted by Sunny at Friday, April 21, 2006
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