To Kaysar

My Dearest Kaysar,

They are evicting you. Meaning that three times a week we will no longer be able to meet as I watch my television and you smile and send secret love messages to me. I realize how upset you must be, but it never would have worked out between us anyway. The 2600 mile thing, the fact that I am 13 years older than you, and countless other reasons that will keep us apart make it a sad thing for both of us.

I am so sorry, that on your birthday, you will have to not only be dealing with being kicked out of the BB house, but that you will also see this and realize that it can never be.......... I will miss you. Sniff, sniff...

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Okay, back to the real world, but they are kicking out my Kaysar! I strongly dislike Dani and her "I am running this show" attitude and Marci with his whining, jealous, never-ending rants about the sovs and James, that no good trader and Erika flip-flopping with the powers that by....I hope they do a quad-eviction next week so I don't have to look at these evil, disgusting people anymore!

Breathing. I'll be fine.

Away from reality tv and back to true reality, Brooke is sick with some cold and fever thing. She was a monster yesterday and then, just for extra fun, woke up at 7 am today and two hours later, I am already exhausted. I am emotionally and physically spent this week and it is only Tuesday!

I lost my engagement ring this morning. I was holding Brooke on the couch in the rec room when I loosened it and it flung across the room. I have looked for it for half an hour and have had no luck in finding it. The thought of crawling on the floor, continuing the search. seems like too much work. I will try again later. Yawn.

Brooke has remembered that she had ice cream last night, that she finished, but now wants me to produce more..RIGHT NOW. This should begin the first crying point of the day that will carry on til her bedtime and change only in the reason to cry, the volume of crying and the amount of sanity I will be able to maintain. I'm starting out with very little today, so I figure my 10ish, I should officially be out of my mind.

Concerning yesterday's post, I am trying to work on a way to not care and not let this thing bother me and really mean it. I really want to stop living my life this way and being so vunerable to negative, crappy influences, that start out of my control, but grow worse once they enter my mind. At least I could do something about the second part.

I believe I am entering PMS today, so it may get worse before it gets better. Its a good thing I am used to that.