Friday, November 10, 2006

Happy Birthday Travis!

Dear Travis,

As your 18th birthday approaches, I am reminded of all the memories of your childhood and how I sit in shock at how fast time passes. The first look I had a look at you while still in my belly, the first time I saw you and how I was so thrilled to be your mom.

Those "standout" moments, good and bad, replay in my mind. The first time I had to take you to daycare, and everyday after, that you cried for me as I pulled away and had my heart ripped right out of my chest as I watched you in the window waving furiously, trying to be brave through the tears. You were just about to turn three and all I wanted to do was be there with you.

I remember you in little league, that skinny, almost anorexic -like body that looked so frail and yet could throw a fast ball like no one else, how you hit all those homeruns and won trophies at St.C. I remember your bologna phase, when all you would eat was sandwiches morning, noon and night and how many visits to the doctor we had over it. They said you would grow out of it or certainly tire of bologna, but I had my doubts. You did eventually, but it seemed like forever.

I remember moments of pride as you accomplished little milestones, made friends and took pride in so many things that may have not seemed so important to others, but where everything to you. I think of my life when it was just the three of us, and you and Ryan would run around the house for hours, loudly chasing one another as I sat and crammed for exams and took a few breaks just to laugh at the two of you.

All the times when my heart was breaking for you when things did not go your way, when I had to say no to something you wanted and when you were so mad at me for it, and how I hoped one day you might understand why.

Through the teenage years,you spent so much time in your room, away from us and I wanted so much to have you there next to me and yet, wanted you to feel like you could be alone if that is what you needed. I still am not sure if that was good or bad and you still tend to go off on your own so much, but I understand. I always will and though it is normal to seperate from your parents during this stage in your life, I want you to know that I will always be there for you, always support you in anything and even though you pride yourself on your independence, I hope you also take advantage of relying on others sometimes too. You would never have to look far, I promise you that.

I hope you get everything you wish to get from life and I will always be there to share in your successes and your downfalls and I will love you through it all, no matter what. My precious baby, have a wonderful birthday.




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