Saturday, June 09, 2007

This May be Monitored....

Okay, it was strikes again, a week early. How I am expected to see the difference between insanity and PMS when it continues to appear so randomly?? But, more importantly, why is my uterus preparing itself so often?

Could it be my biological clock, about to run out, trying desperately to give me as many opportunities as possible? Why would it do that? It is like the Bil Cosby thing. Why do I have four kids? Because I do NOT want five!

My life followed its regular routine of "just when you think you got it all straightened out, new shit pops up". I pay off all my debt. The 25 calls a day, where I had to listen to that same old line of, "This call may be monitored for quality purposes and this is an attempt to collect a debt, any information provided will be used against you, thrown in your face and used to make you feel like a total if, you don't feel enough like one already". So, I use one day to actually listen to all this to track the debt, make settlements and list all the people I will pay off so that the calls will finally stop. One that showed up on my caller ID constantly was I.C. System. I hate I.C. System. I make out all the checks, I go to the post office, send then overnight and inform all the blood suckers that they are on the way.

First day, debt free, I do not hear the phone and its constant ringing starting at 8:02am. It feels good and I feel good about it all. Then at 9am, as I am doing some laundry, it rings. I smile confidently and think, "Wow, that must be for ME!! A friend or something!". I run up the steps and see the "I.C. System" on the caller ID. I smile to myself, yet again, happy to inform them that they are through with me, it is sent, leave me alone now and have a wonderful day. I answer, wait the 45 seconds it takes for someone to answer me back and it is a lovely gentleman named Nick. He starts with the regular "this call may be monitored for" but I stop him and say, "Nick,I have sent this payment.." He says, "The dentist bill for $547 that was just received in our collection office today??" "Ummm, no Nick, not that one!!" BASTARD!!!!!! F'in BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!

Ten minutes later, it rings again. This time a Florida call. It is a T-mobile balance from a year and a half ago for 178 bucks that I totally forgot about and never really heard anything about in over a year and now, today, this day that I believed I owed no one, this is THE DAY the dentist turns me over to collection and T-mobile remembers me???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! And WHY????

Then, I remember why. Because it is ME ....duh.

I almost fear sending in the proper college paperwork, so that Ryan's bill will go through the insurance as it should have and then actually paying that 178 bucks, because then what? Some forgotten Fingerhut bill for an 80 dollar phone that I still owed 320 for seven years ago and decided not to pay them on the principle of the matter because they always sent my statement two days before it was due so they could charge me 30 bucks a month for a late fee?? That piece of shit phone, that is long gone now, will probably cost me 10,000 by now! The day I take care of these two issues, I just know they will catch up with me!! So, just when I think it is safe and the waters have calmed, I sit at night, alone, peeking out my window and fearing Fingerhut!

Then I start thinking "fingerhut", what the hell is a fingerhut?


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